


Sanctuary

by jenniesays



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, jenlisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenniesays/pseuds/jenniesays
Summary: They met each other when they were young and had a bond that lasted for a lifetime and beyond. But promises and soft kisses under the moonlight weren't enough to prove and fight for their love.It took a lifetime for Jennie Kim and Lalisa Manoban to finally figure it out.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I've published this story in Wattpad and decided to put it here as well. English is not my first language and I still haven't proofread this yet so I'm really sorry if there are a lot of mistakes.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: THIS FANFICTION INCLUDES MENTION OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NON-CONSENSUAL RAPE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

**PART ONE**

**I.**

At first, it started innocent. A routine, maybe. They were so young then, so naive.

Jennie was there first. At the age of twelve, her parents left her at the academy as a punishment for breaking the antique vase her family-owned for generations. It took one raging look from her father to make her life miserable.

Her teachers at the academy were strict. No one was allowed to talk to each other until instructed, no quiet whispers on the halls, no lights on at rooms, no teddy bears to hold at night.

She missed her friends, her maids, her aunts. But she didn't miss her parents. Not even a bit. They never visited her anyways. And she was okay with that.

She had her own room with a window so small she could barely see what's behind. It was dark, it was scary and her white blanket was so thin she still felt the cold creeping inside her bones.

For weeks and weeks, she was alone. Doing the same tedious routine over and over again. Woke up at dawn, fixed her bed, joined the rest of the girls for breakfast, took classes, dinner, then back to bed to face the darkness again.

They never played at the academy. No one was allowed to. Well, except for the pretend playing every Sunday when the parents visited their daughters. But of course, Jennie never got to pretend to play, there's no use of it when she never got any visitors. Instead, she was left in her room, locked up to the rest of the world. She decided she didn't like Sundays. Well, at first.

Most girls grew at the academy and Jennie often wondered if will she end up the same as them. Never getting out until they were twenty-one, or never getting out at all just like the woman at the library. Will her parents ever wanted to get her out? Jennie always thought that they probably will since she was an only child. No one would take care of the business if they didn't.

It took so many months, Jennie had lost count, before someone finally started to talk to her.

Jisoo was her name, her new roommate, and she was two years older than her.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Jennie." She told the older girl. It was strange to hear her name spoken out loud again. The teachers always called her Kim, and the other girls never called her anything.

The older girl became her big sister as time passed. They never talked much but she knew that her unnie Jisoo was always looking out for her, always making sure she was comfortable and well-fed. She whispered stories of fairies to her as the night came. She even gave her a doll made out of paper.

Jisoo got visitors every Sunday and she always came back to their room with candies and chocolates that she shared with Jennie.

One night as they were getting ready for bed, instead of another fairy story, her unnie Jisoo told her the story of why she was thrown to the academy and how she missed her little sister so badly. She was crying and the twelve-year-old Jennie didn't know what else to do but to hug her and made sure that her unnie was quiet enough for the teachers to not hear her cries.

She held her unnie until she fell asleep. The next morning, she was alone in her room, clutching the paper doll in her hands.

"They took her back because she already learned her lesson." The teacher said when she asked about her roommate. Well, old roommate. "That's the prize for being an obedient girl."

But Jennie knew that it wasn't. She had been obedient all the time. Always pleasing her parents, her teachers. But none of them wanted her, none of them gave her a prize.

She was mad when she came into a realization. No one wanted her. Not her family. Not the academy. Not her unnie Jisoo that left no note for her to read. Jennie was alone. None of them cared enough for her.

She had no one but herself.

That night she cried and hugged herself to sleep, dreaming of being loved and free.

**II.**

Jennie was three months away from being a fourteen-year-old girl when someone barged in her room in the middle of the night. The lights on the hallway made her eyes hurt.

"Go on, girl. Go." She heard her teacher pushed a girl inside her small, dark room.

The girl looked at her with plain gaze and stomped herself to the cold bed next to her's, dragging a huge bag that was probably ten times heavier than her.

The teacher hissed at the action of the new girl. "Rest. You have two hours before dawn." She left with a loud creaky sound while closing the door.

Jennie stared at her newest roommate. Even though it was dark she could see the bright orange strands on the new girl's blonde hair.

"What are you looking at?" The girl hissed. Her voice was small but fierce and angry and full of rage.

Jennie looked away.

"I'm Jennie." She murmured so quietly she doubts the blonde can hear it.

The girl didn't respond.

Jennie went back to sleep.

They didn't talk the next morning, and the next and the next and the next, until days have gone hotter and leaves starts falling on the ground.

**III.**

Mornings weren't for them. They belong to the darkness of their tiny little room, consuming the cold that crawled up into their skin.

Many months had passed since the blonde came into her room and not once they spoke. But Jennie recognized her voice through the nightmares. It was harsh, full of hatred, weak but pretended to be strong.

Every night, she heard the blonde screamed and Jennie often wondered what terror did this poor girl came through to be a broken, empty shell. She would wake up, sweat and exhaustion written all over her young face, she would shiver but accept the coldness of her bed, and Jennie would pretend to be asleep.

Their teachers never came to hushed the blonde, they never even came to punish her for screaming in the middle of the night. And Jennie despised her for that.

Jennie was a shy, obedient girl, but she was also observant, noticing every little thing that the blonde did. Jennie knew that the girl never smiled at anyone in the academy, nor talked. She knew that she always kept her head down as they walked. She knew that she was always asleep in class, or her mind was far away. She knew the fear and relief when it rose in her chest as she woke up from her evil nightmares. She knew how the blonde looked at her, wanting for comfort, for affection, but she also knew how fast it changed to her cold, emotionless self.

It was starting to be a little less hot and a little colder that night.

Jennie woke up, not from the blonde's screams, but from her low, quiet sobs.

It amazed her and terrified her at the same time. The blonde never cried. No matter how hard her nightmares were, no matter how sad she looked, it was the only thing that she never did.

 _'I thought you were strong,'_ Jennie murmured but it never escaped her lips.

The moonlight shone brightly that night, creeping out from their window into their beds.

Jennie rose and the bed creaked as she moved, the blonde girl looked up to her and their gazes met in the dark.

She walked towards the crying girl and whispered a soft question, "Why are you-" but she abruptly stopped. Her gaze followed the droplets of blood on the floor only to see the bloody bedsheet of her roommate.

_Did she cut herself?_

For the first time ever, Jennie saw her roommate terrified and vulnerable.

Jennie could pretend she didn't see anything and went back to bed, she could pretend she didn't know the girl bleed to death. After all, the blonde was anything but horrible to her. They had been sharing their room for so many months now and Jennie didn't even know the blonde's name (and she wasn't so blonde anymore, the black of her hair were starting to grow).

But Jennie wasn't a bad person. She wasn't that cold-hearted to see the girl suffer, so she moved closer. The girl inched back, shivering.

"What happened?" Jennie tried to ask so softly, slowly.

The girl didn't respond. Her bangs were tangled, eyes red, sweat on her face. Her eyes said it all. Terrified. Exhausted. Lonely.

"I'm here to help," Jennie pushed herself forward. "You can trust me. I won't tell them."

But the girl just looked at her.

"What happened?"

She could see the girl battling with her emotions. She knew she wanted help. But she was too stubborn.

Jennie nodded. "Fine."

She turned back, but the girl stopped her.

"Wait I-"

Jennie tapped her foot on the floor, as if impatient. "What?"

The girl sighed. "There's blood. Down here..." Her small trembling hands motioned toward her thighs.

In between her thighs.

Jennie was confused, but suddenly something came up to her mind.

_Oh..._

She wanted to laugh, to giggle, to cry because of the innocence of the situation, and of this girl in front of her.

"That's... normal." She said.

The girl looked confused.

"How old are you?" Jennie asked.

The girl hesitated to reply for a moment. "I'm... I'm fourteen."

Jennie nodded as she walked closer, "get up there and wash yourself in the bathroom. It's called menstruation, and every girl in the world went through the same thing. You're just a little late. Mine started two years ago."

Her roommate look puzzled, but to Jennie's surprised, she obeyed.

"On the top drawer, you'll see a pad, get one and put it in your underwear."

The girl didn't respond and went straight to the bathroom with blood on her legs.

Jennie didn't want to laugh, but she did. The whole moment was funny and amusing. She never thought that this girl would be so naive.

How can a girl not know about menstruation? Unless her mother- _Oh._

Jennie immediately stopped her thoughts.

_Unless she doesn't have a mother._

So when the girl came back, Jennie started to tell her the important things about having menstruation. The do's and don'ts. She could see her roommate's flustered face even in the dark.

It was almost dawn when she finished talking.

"Any questions?" The girl shook her head, and Jennie started to walk back to her bed.

To Jennie's surprised, she heard the girl whispered, "thank you, Jennie."

"You know my name?"

"Yes." The girl replied. "And... my name... it's Pranpriya."

**IV.**

Nights flew by so fast that it sometimes felt like a blink of an eye before they realized it's gone, opposite of the mornings and sunny afternoons they spent on classes and unending chores in the academy that felt like forever.

Jennie still didn't get visitors every Sunday, so she was still stuck in her room while everyone else was in the comfort of their parent's arms. She was actually used to it that she was not bothered at all, even when it was her birthday and none of her family came to see her. She started to think they had actually forgotten her entire existence.

But for the past few weeks, as ridiculous as it sounded, Jennie miraculously found comfort in the company of her roommate, and although Pranpriya wasn't much of a talker unlike her unnie Jisoo, it was still nice to have someone with her who was feeling the same- of being left out.

They never talk much but it made Jennie less lonely.

Their first conversation, after the menstruation incident, was when the snow was starting to fall on the ground and the thin sheets weren't enough to make them feel warm at night.

Jennie woke up one night when she felt something poking her on her arms. It was dark and so she gasped a little thinking it was a rat, but her eyes soon adjusted to the darkness of her room and she was met with the expressionless doll eyed girl.

"There's someone outside." She whispered like a small child.

Jennie knew that her cold-hearted girl roommate became fond of her even though she didn't let her see it. She knew Pranpriya found comfort in her every time the not-so-blonde tried to catch her gaze during classes, and the soft smile she always gave Jennie before they go to bed at night.

Pranpriya made her feel things without even saying a word.

"What?" Jennie sat up on her bed and faced the girl who was seated on the floor.

Pranpriya looked at the small window outside and pointed it. "It was groaning. Like a sea monster."

Jennie wanted to smile at the naive girl in front of her. She was too innocent for this world and Jennie found herself wanting to care for her.

"There's no sea monsters, Pranpriya." She quietly told the girl.

"But I heard them. It was so loud." Her voice was nervous and a little shaky.

Jennie sighed and patted the girl's head. "Okay, I'll take a peek outside."

Pranpriya's eyes suddenly widened. "But they'll see you!"

"I won't let them see me."

But there was really no sea monsters when Jennie took a peek outside their small window. The ocean waves were calm under the moonlight and the coconut trees swayed back and forth as they stood on the rocky shore of the island.

But one thing caught Jennie's attention. There was something on the shore that she had never seen for a long time. There was a boat. A running boat.

"It was the boat's engine, not sea monsters," Jennie told Pranpriya who was hiding behind her, wrapped in white thin sheets to protect herself from the cold.

But Pranpriya wasn't convinced.

So the next Sunday, they stayed up late to see it.

It soon became a routine. Their own routine. They would look at the window waiting for the boat to arrive, and sometimes they would stay up so late to see a man carrying loads of bags and went inside their academy. They often wondered what was inside the bags until one night a banana fell out.

The boat carried their supplies.

"Do you think it came from the city?" Pranpriya asked one night.

Jennie shrugged. "Maybe."

"I don't like it there." There was too much sadness in her voice and Jennie wanted to hug her and whisper comfort words to her ears. She wanted to know what happened to Pranpriya and why was she here at the academy, but Jennie knew how the girl didn't wanna talk about it so she let her be.

**V.**

There were no blonde strands left on Pranpriya's hair by the time Jennie started to learn some things about her.

Jennie couldn't sleep that night. Her roommate's nightmare became harsh and so was her scream of terror.

Pranpriya woke up screaming, and wildly tossing her arms and legs up in the air as if she was protecting herself from someone unseen.

"Please, no, please!" Her voice was so small as she cried for help.

Jennie was suddenly beside her and started to run her calloused hands-on Pranpriya's hair.

"Shhh, baby, it's okay. It's not real. I'm here, I'm here. You're safe with me."

That night, she hugged the younger girl so tight and let her cry in her chest as she whispered the words of promises and safety of forever. "I won't let them hurt you, you're safe as long as you're with me."

They woke up at dawn, clinging into each other like they were the savior of their lost souls.

It was soon added to their routine. Every night, Jennie would stay beside Pranpriya, kissing her forehead and telling her stories of fairies and everything that unnie Jisoo told her before.

She must be proud of me. Jennie said to herself at the thought of her old roommate.

"You have a unique name, you know." They were both lying on Pranpriya's bed on their back, their gazes fixed on the ceiling when Jennie spoke, cutting the silence of the night.

A blanket was shared between them and Jennie felt the heat between their two bodies. It helped them to not feel the cold, it was snowing so hard outside that the rocky shore was now covered in thick white ice.

"My aunt said my mama picked my name. I never met her though. They said she died giving birth to me." It was the first time Pranpriya opened up to her, and Jennie didn't want to ruin the moment so she just listened.

"My papa died too, a few years after I was born. I never really knew him, but sometimes I see him in my dreams. My aunt and uncle raised me, but my aunt wasn't home that much so I was mostly left with my uncle. I never go out of the house, they said it was dangerous outside, that there were many bad people. To be honest, the only the person I talk to was Trisha, my older cousin, she let me color my hair blonde and orange. But my uncle was so mad when he saw me, his eyes were burning and he locked me in the roof, stripped all my clothes, and forced himself at me as a punishment. My auntie saw that, and the next thing I knew, I am in this island, in this creepy old building, then a woman dragged me into this dark room, and then I met the most beautiful eyes in the world, but it was lonely." Pranpriya shifted her body, turning towards Jennie. Her delicate hands touch the older girl's cheeks that made her look at her eyes. "You were lonely."

A tear escaped Jennie's feline eyes. The reason behind Pranpriya's nightmare was answered and Jennie felt her heart broke into pieces. Behind those naive and innocent looks, her poor poor girl went through so much.

Pranpriya wiped her tears away and gave her a small smile.

"I am less lonely now that you're here," Jennie told her. "and I promise to always keep you safe."

She sealed her promise with a kiss.

**VI.**

When the snow was gone and the leaves started to fall from the trees,

so did they.

They fell,

but it was in love,

and it was with each other.

**VII.**

"Lalisa."

"Huh?" Pranpriya asked, confused.

They were on the shore, sitting on the rocks as they stared at what seemed like a never-ending ocean, wondering when will they go back again on the other side.

It was Wednesday according to the calendar on their dining hall, and their teachers let them wander for a day. There were visitors from the city, men, and women who were wearing black suits and carried big suitcases. Something about them made Jennie nervous, she could sense it was a bad news

It was also the reason why their teachers let them took a day off from their classes and daily chores. "Be good, the investors want good girls." Their teacher said, although none of them knew what investors meant.

"Lalisa. I read it on a book in the library. It said it meant the one who is praised." Jennie explained.

The wind blew, it was fresh and it reminded Jennie of freedom.

"Lalisa." Pranpriya repeated, tasting the unique word in her mouth.

Jennie took the younger girl's hand and kissed it. "I love your name, Pranpriya, but I think Lalisa suits you better."

Pranpriya chuckled, "why do you think that?"

"Because you're the one I praised."

That night, it was Pranpriya who kissed her first. It was soft, and a little sloppy but it made Jennie's heart turn into chaos, and so did her body.

Pranpriya was like an ocean wave on a calm night. Her skin was soft to touch, her delicate fingers became tender, and the small noises she made was music to the ears, like a lullaby, but instead of making her asleep, it kept her awake, alive, warm, and wanting for more.

"Don't ever leave me." Pranpriya whispered, her head resting on the older girl's naked chest.

Jennie kissed her softly on the hair, and then her forehead down to her cheeks and nose. Her small hands cupped her face as their eyes met.

"Never."

**VIII.**

But they woke up even before dawn, with flashes of light blinding their eyes and only the hushed voices of their teachers echoed in their dark cold room.

It reminded Jennie of the time when she first met Pranpriya, but this time, the teachers weren't there to make them stay together, instead, they were there to keep them apart.

"Get up, get up." They both did. "No, not you. Just the small one. Pranpriya, dear, let's go." It wasn't a request, it was an order.

So with their confused and worried faces, Jennie could only hold the younger girl's hand tightly. Never want to let her go.

"Jennie!"

"No, no. Pranpriya, stay with me." But her pleading was useless, the door was already close and Pranpriya was gone.

Her room was dark again and she was all alone.

_It's okay. She will be back. She won't leave me._

Jennie wanted to cry and scream, but instead, she kept silent as she hugged her knees.

_She will come back. Pranrpiya. She is mine and I am hers. She belongs here. With me. She will come back. To me. To me. To me. Never leaving me alone. Never._

_Never._

_Never._

And that was how Jennie lost Pranpriya the same way she got her.

**IX.**

One, two, three, four, five.

Jennie wasn't good at numbers but she knew it was five.

And no, she wasn't talking about the days.

Five was the number of months that she had been alone.

Since then, Pranpriya only became a memory that Jennie didn't want to forget, but those same memories were the ones who tore her soul apart.

**X.**

It was an accident.

Jennie never meant to hide herself into that dark room, but it was past dinner time and the lights were already off, and anyone seen outside will be highly punished by their teachers.

She didn't mean to go out of her room, but there were familiar voices on the halls, and when she did try to see who was it, she didn't realize that she was already far away from her room to back out and the teachers were already walking towards where she was.

The room where she hid was too dark. It was the forbidden room, or so some of the girls told her. No one knew what was inside of it, it was always locked, hidden away.

There were stories that ghosts were living in this room, and Jennie as a scared child, wanted to cry for help but her mind immediately screamed at her to be a brave girl, just like how other seventeen years old would do.

And she didn't know if it was just in her imagination, maybe she missed Pranpriya too much that she was starting to see things. Perhaps, a hallucination. A product of her mind playing tricks on her.

But no, there she really was, the girl that Jennie missed so terribly. Pranpriya was within her reach, finally. Again.

Jennie started to walk closer and closer and closer towards Pranpriya's body on the floor.

But Jennie became afraid. Maybe it was a corpse. A ghost. Maybe she was dead. Her poor poor love. Dead. Lifeless. Empty. On that cold hard floor, with that stinky smell of dried blood and feces.

Jennie wanted to cry, to scream, or to mourn, but Pranpriya's eyes suddenly opened wide like it sensed that she was there to touch her.

And when their gazes met in that dark, dark room, Jennie whispered,

"You're alive."

**XI.**

Pranpriya was barely alive.

Her legs numb. Her ribs broke. Her arms bruised. Her eyes were dark. Her cheeks cut. And even her head was left with no hair.

With a hushed whisper and a trembling little voice, Pranpriya unraveled everything to her.

"Auntie would not give the academy any more money, said that they want to revoke their obligations. I don't know what that means, Jennie, but the teachers are mad, said I can't stay here any longer. They wanted the investors to take me, but none of them want a fragile girl like me. So they cut my hair, said that it was the only thing I own that worth of something. I let them take it. And now, without my hair, I worth of nothing. Teacher said that soon I will be gone, just like the rest. Gone and forgotten."

"Gone where?"

"To the sea."

"Across the sea?"

"No, Jennie," Pranpriya replied, her voice started to become more and more inaudible. "Deep under it."

**XII.**

It took Jennie one thousand seven hundred and four days before the word freedom and escape reached her mind. But it only took her one word, nine letters to finally dared herself to do it.

And that word, or name rather, was Pranpriya.

**XIII.**

Jennie had a plan and she planned it silently, meticulously, perfectly. Every detail, every act, and every breath was calculated.

A plan that would take place on a winter Sunday night, when the moon would not be seen in the sky, and when everything would be dark.

**XIV.**

But everything didn't go as planned.

Because that Sunday morning, hours before their great escape, Jennie got a visitor.

"Your mama is here."

**XV.**

Jennie ran as fast as she could. She ran as if her life depended on it.

She ran in the silent halls, passed the chambers and the small rooms. She ran until she couldn't breathe anymore, but she didn't care, she needed to see Pranpriya.

"Jennie! What are you doing here? There's still sun outside! They'll punish you!"

"My mother came back." Her voice was shaking as she kneeled on the cold hard floor with eyes leveled with the other girl. "They're taking me away."

Jennie heard a soft gasped, followed by a cold trembling hands clutching on her wrists.

"When are you leaving?" Pranpriya asked.

Jennie thought of lying, maybe she shouldn't tell her the truth, maybe she could still spare her heart to be broken. But she said, "Right now."

And as soon as her words were spoken out loud, Pranpriya's grip loosened. "You'll leave me?"

"No, no. I won't." Jennie moved closer. "You'll escape tonight. At midnight, just as we planned."

Jennie kissed her lips so softly and smiled. "And I will wait for you on the other side. I promise."

**XVI.**

On that cold Sunday night, Pranpriya escaped that dark, dark room, unnoticed, without a sound as if she was invisible in the dark.

Jennie told her to wait on that boat, she told her to stay quiet, to keep her breath steady and calm just like the sea and its waves. She told her to cover her eyes and not peek outside even when the engine starts to roar and the boat starts to leave the shore.

She told her not to worry, that she would be there across the sea, waiting for Pranpriya to arrive.

But it was already dawn, the sun slowly rising up into the sky, the boat nearing to its destination on the opposite side of where the academy stood still.

Pranpriya got off the boat, safe, and still unnoticed by the men who didn't know that they accompanied her to freedom. She carried the bag that Jennie gave her on the small of her back.

Her eyes wandered around. But there were too many people, too many faces, too many voices. And still, none of them belonged to Jennie.

Pranpriya should be surprised when she opened the bag, but only sadness crept up on her when she read the letter that was written on a crumpled piece of paper, together with a pouch that was loaded with paper money.

_You are free, Pranpriya. From the academy, from your family, from me._

_Live a long, healthy life. May happiness and peace find you._

_-Jennie_

**XVII.**

Pranpriya waited until the sun shone brightly into the sky, until the wind became warm, until the rain starts to pour, until the leaves start growing, and until it falls.

But Jennie never came.

**PART TWO**

_Pranpriya did live a healthy life._

_She found love and happiness, but peace didn't find her until her hair was starting to become gray, and when soft feline eyes finally stared back at her._

_After all these years._

**I.**

The moment Pranpriya stepped her feet onto the land of high houses, busy streets, and metal doors, she knew she would not have survived.

Not when the ghosts of her past were still haunting her or when fear was still consuming her, and especially not when she was still waiting for a particular woman with feline eyes to arrive and save her.

Pranpriya knew she needed to learn, even when she was lost or afraid, even when her nightmares came back or even when people kept looking at her as they pointed to her hairless head.

She knew she was different from the rest of them. She didn't belong to the crowded market or laughing children. She belonged somewhere quiet, somewhere safe.

She decided that the shore was for her, with the moon, the sunsets, and the birds that were chirping every dawn. Silence was her company, together with the ocean waves that sounded like a lullaby to her ears. The sand was her bed and the skies were her roof. For days and days, she felt safe, away from everything and everyone that could harm her.

But when the sky turned into gray and the rain started to fall and cold swept into her skin, Pranpriya knew that it wasn't enough. She needed to move, to learn, and to thrive.

So when the morning came, right after the storm while the pavements were still wet, Pranpriya walked. She walked towards the hope that everything would be alright, burying deep the ghosts of her past and leaving it all behind to be washed away in the shore.

When she was already a little farther away from the beach, she looked back and finally let Pranpriya go.

**II.**

"You have a unique name." A woman with rosy cheeks and warm eyes told her.

The _new_ Pranpriya gave her a smile. "I know."

The woman laughed, her eyes shone with sincerity. "Alright, Lalisa, you're hired."

Her work at the bakery was the same every single day. She woke up a little after dawn to mop and swept the floor, and when the sun rose high up, she would wash the plates over and over until it was night again. But it wasn't tedious or as hard and painful as her works in the academy, it was rather the opposite.

They didn't scream at her or even tried to hurt her every time she did something wrong, they didn't hit her when she accidentally splashed water on the floor or when she broke the plates. Instead, they guide her with their gentle words and hands.

She met a lot of people. Some of them smiled at her, but most couldn't even look at her in the eyes. She wondered if it was because she was different, or if because they knew, somehow, where she came from.

The days became easier as she slowly learned all the things about her new life. But when the bad dreams came to her at night and when her eyes kept on searching for comfort, she still found herself waiting for a girl with feline eyes to stare back at her.

**III.**

There were times where everything came crashing down, when her demons came running back to her, and when the pain of the past kept hitting her in the chest, making her out of breath.

But some demons weren't only in her head, sometimes it can be seen by her eyes and hear by her ears. Sometimes, her demons were breathing as they stared at her with wide eyes.

"I know you," It was the same cold voice of her aunt, the same eyes that made her skin shiver in fear. "Pranpriya."

She backed away, her feet reaching the corner of the bakery as her hands tremble in fear. The woman who used to beat her kept moving, slowly walking towards her small fragile body, inch by inch. "I- I don't know you."

"Do you think I cannot remember you, little whore?" The woman smirked. "Why are you here, huh? Do your teachers finally saw how slutty you are? I bet they did. Who was it this time, your guards? Or your roommate? What was her name again, hmm Jennie, was it? I bet she's very happy to get rid of you."

_Jennie._

"N-no, you're wrong." She mumbled as her heart raced out of her chest.

_Jennie left me._

"Whatever you've been through, you deserve it. What a shame they didn't kill you. I should've told them to burn you."

_'No one wants you, Pranpriya, and you know what happens to a useless girl like you?'_

_Pranpriya shook her head._

_Her teacher smiled. 'We drown them deep under the sea.'_

"N-no, no." She was drowning--- she was drowning back again into the ocean of terrors that was built by her mind, back again into the dark cold room of the academy, the one where Jennie was out of her reach.

"Don't hurt me. Please."

She kept hearing the harsh, angry voice of her aunt but nothing was making sense. She was drowning and drowning and drowning and she couldn't breathe as if oxygen was finally leaving her lungs.

She needed air. She needed to breathe, to see the sun. Where was she again? Was Jennie here?

_Jennie, stay with me._

She didn't know when the loud voices stopped, didn't know when gentle arms wrapped around her for comfort, she didn't know how her employers forced her aunt out the bakery. She didn't know it all, she just kept murmuring to herself as she hugged her weakened knees, wishing for all of the misery to stop consuming her mind.

_'And I will wait for you on the other side. I promise.'_

She cried.

Jennie never did.

**IV.**

There was no medicine for a broken soul, no map in a life that was lost, no cure for the demons who were residing in her head.

Everything was falling apart and she only wanted to give up.

"Sometimes we don't see the light because our eyes are not open. But it's always there, always waiting for you, Lalisa. Always."

She cried at her employer's words. She cried in the older woman's arms, listening to the humming of her voice like a lullaby. She felt safe for a moment, in the arms of a woman whom she didn't know but cared for her like she was her own blood. And as her eyes fell heavily and her mind drifted into a deep slumber, she reminded herself to only remember the good.

She was alone and cold when she woke up, but as she opened her eyes, finally, there was a light, it was little but it was there and she could see it.

This time, she'll try to get better, wiser, and smarter. This time, she'll finally let go of the past. Completely burying it deep, crashing it down with her own feet, and burning it until the ashes of the past turned into hope.

**V.**

She was no longer the hairless kid. Her hair already grew long, back to its natural curls and color, when she finally decided to use the money that Jennie gave her.

For a while it stayed inside the box, wrapped in a thin sheet and hidden behind the wall. She didn't want to touch it, nor look at it. But something changed. And maybe it was because every time she walked into the busy streets, her eyes were always fixed at the girls who carried bags and books with them.

"That's what young people do, Lalisa. They go to school, to college so they can have a better job. You should go, darling, we can't let you wash these plates all your life."

So when the next season came, Lalisa waved at them goodbye, gave them kisses and hugs that would lasts for a lifetime, as she readied herself for another new life.

**VI.**

Seoul was crowded, full of people, fast cars, and variety of stores. Everyday felt like Christmas with its shining lights and joyful music. It wasn't like the life that she had at the rural, but somehow, she became used to it.

She was far away from her past, away from the memories of her childhood that sometimes haunt her still in her sleep.

She just turned eighteen then, when she took a course on Human Rights in Seoul University and met a lovely girl named Chaeyoung, who always came to her even when she always turned her down.

"Lalisa, you need a friend to survive."

And maybe she was right. Maybe she needed a friend all along to lessen the emptiness in her heart.

She tried to give her new friend a sincere smile.

"Okay."

Chaeyoung didn't ask about her past, maybe because the blonde haired girl understood that there was something that broke Lalisa, something that she could never talk about.

But even then, Chaeyoung always kept hoping that maybe someday when everything hurt less and when Lalisa's broken heart finally healed, maybe Lalisa could tell why she always looked sad when she's near the ocean and why she always desperately whisper the name Jennie in her sleep like a soft prayer.

And maybe, someday, Lalisa might love Chaeyoung _too._

**VII.**

Lalisa was never alone again.

As the days turned into years, Chaeyoung never left her side and Lalisa finally learned to stopped searching and hoping for a certain brunette to come back into her arms.

"What do you want to do after we graduate?" She asked Chaeyoung one day.

Chaeyoung held her hand and rested her head on her shoulder, eyes staring at the vastness of the ocean beneath them.

"I guess I'll go wherever you go."

And she did.

Chaeyoung stayed with Lalisa in Seoul where they built a small charity organization that helped the unfortunate children to have a chance for a better life.

 _Sanctuary_ was what they called it. An idea that came from Chaeyoung's mind. She thought that it was soothing, a safe haven for children who were lost and needed to find hope.

They started small, in a tiny home that could fit less than twenty children at once. Lalisa liked to think it wasn't much, but Chaeyoung would always tell her that they were doing something, something that could change these innocent children lives.

Lalisa knew every single one of the children that they helped. She remembered their frowns that soon turned into smiles and their shaking hands that soon wrapped at their arms with confidence.

She saw herself in the children's broken eyes, in their tears that fell into their tiny cheeks. She had been there, she knew their pain, their lack of love, and their needs to hold onto something that was worth living for.

So Lalisa promised to herself that she would become someone that they could trust and hold onto, someone that could be their hope.

Just like Jennie.

**VIII.**

She met Chaeyoung's family one day and Lalisa never felt so welcome in her life.

The Parks were the family that she had dreamed of. Their laughters and endless talks would make anyone feel at ease. They were a small family of four, but their hearts were as big as the world. Lalisa then finally understood why Chaeyoung gave so much love, so much hope, it was because she grew up receiving all the love and now it was her time to repay the world for being so good to her.

Chaeyoung's heart was pure as her mind. Her voice was as sweet as her laugh. Her eyes were warm as her hands. And because of those things, Lalisa finally realized, that maybe, she loved Chaeyoung too.

"I love you, Chae."

That night, she let Chaeyoung kiss her under the moonlight, but when she closed her eyes, it wasn't Chaeyoung's soft eyes that stared back at her.

**IX.**

It was during the winter days when the ghosts of her past started to come alive, little by little.

"Kim Jisoo?" Chaeyoung spoke the woman's name aloud as she read the paper on her hands.

Kim Jisoo was a dark haired woman, her long hair was wavy as it hanged loosely on her shoulders. Her eyes were soft, like Chaeyoung's, but there were something else in it, like desperation and sadness that can be seen as she looked straight into Lalisa's eyes. Her smile was genuine, but it didn't reach her eyes as if there was something holding her back. Lalisa already saw that look before in her own reflection, and she knew right then and there that Kim Jisoo was broken, too.

They listened at what Jisoo told them, never skipping a beat to hear the information that she was giving them. It was a critical case, a fight for the children's rights against the evil men who used their power to take advantage to the innocence of the youth. Chaeyoung was interested, she always was, but there was something in the way Jisoo explained everything that made Lalisa to doubt, to be careful and critical. It wasn't a normal case, it was bigger, complicated, and the responsibility was beyond them.

"Hundred and fifteen children."

It was never going to work, Lalisa knew it. Their home can only cared for twenty children at a time and even then, it can be a handful. As much as she wanted to help, she knew they couldn't make it. But Chaeyoung didn't seem fazed, she kept urging for more, looking for more solution, for more things that they could improve just so they can help. Chaeyoung didn't care if this case was beyond them, she needed to help those poor children and no one can stop her, not even Lalisa.

"We can always improve our home. We'll get help from other charities and organizations. We know people, we'll help you and these children, Jisoo."

Lalisa knew that Chaeyoung already made up her mind and she almost agreed with her lover's decision.

Almost.

Because when Jisoo handed them an envelope containing exclusive information about the case, and when Chaeyoung opened it with her gentle hands only to reveal the photos that sent shivers into her skin, Lalisa knew that she cannot agree. She cannot agree and the let past come back to haunt her again.

"That place is registered as an academy for young ladies, but in reality, that place is where the parents hide their unwanted children. The academy is full of illegitimate child, bastards, or orphaned heiress that are stripped with their power. These young girls are tortured by their so-called teachers and some of them are actually being sold to be a slave for flesh hungry men and even women."

Lalisa couldn't believe what she was hearing as she felt the fast beating of her heart and the sweat that came out of her already cold and shaking hands.

_No._

Chaeyoung had a look of disgust and anger for those men who harmed the innocence of the children, as sadness and realization crept up into her face when she asked, "how did you know all of these, Jisoo?"

Lalisa saw the look on Jisoo's eyes, and in that fast moment when their gazes collided, she already knew the answer even before Jisoo confirmed it out loud.

"Because I was there."

Lalisa was right, she and Jisoo shared the same demons.

Chaeyoung was speaking but Lalisa couldn't hear her anymore. Instead, all she could hear was the distant yelling and harsh voices of her teachers, and all she could see was the small light creeping up in the window of her cold, dark room in the academy. Lalisa knew it was all in her head, but that didn't stop for her memories to came crashing down, tearing up the walls that she built as she found herself muttering the name that she hadn't said for a long time.

"Jennie." Because it was only Jennie that she needed for comfort. It was still Jennie's eyes that she was looking for everytime the past came hunting her down. And in that quick moment, Lalisa realized that no matter how she tried to burn, to escape, or to hide, Jennie's love will always be with her.

"Honey, are you alright?"

It was Chaeyoung's gentle hand that dragged her back down to the reality, and Lalisa suddenly felt suffocated as she stared into her lover's confused and worried face.

Her gaze shifted at Jisoo, and the dark haired woman was staring back at her with knowing eyes.

Lalisa took a deep breath to calm her down as she clasped her hands together, forcing it to stop trembling.

"You have good intentions, Jisoo. But I'm sorry, we can't accept the case. We aren't good at handling complications. Don't worry, we'll help you transfer to other organizations."

She pretended not to see the questioning gaze of Chaeyoung as her lover looked at her with wide eyes, confused with her decision. But she didn't want to explain, instead she got up to leave the room, hoping that the ghosts of her past would leave her too.

**X.**

Chaeyoung was a smart woman. That's why Lalisa knew that Chaeyoung already figured everything out even when her lover never asked.

She always saw it in Chaeyoung's eyes, in the way she stared at her as if she wanted to asked something but never really voiced out.

It made her glad somehow, that Chaeyoung respected her decisions and privacy. But when she hugged her lover at night and when Chaeyoung traced her soft fingers into her skin, Lalisa knew that she was being unfair.

She knew everything about Chaeyoung. She saw it all, her naked body and naked mind. And even though Chaeyoung had also seen her entire physical body and discovered some parts of her mind, Lalisa felt like she wasn't being honest. There were too much of her that Chaeyoung didn't know, but despite of that, her lovely Chaeyoung still and always tried to understand her.

So one night, when Chaeyoung asked again why she wouldn't want to accept Jisoo's case, Lalisa finally let her lover to know.

"Because I was one of those children, chae."

Her lover listened to her stories as she told her about her family, about her aunt, uncle, and cousin who never really loved her. She told Chaeyoung about her teachers who always shouted at her. She also told her about her name, Pranpriya, and she watched at Chaeyoung's eyes lit up, telling her that the name was as beautiful as her.

When the sun peeked up into the sky, she already told Chaeyoung everything but some.

She never told her about the nights she shared wrapped around Jennie's arms. She never told her about how Jennie was the only girl who ever made her heart rejoice in happiness and shattered in pain.

Her days with Jennie was only hers, belonged to hers, and hers only.

**XI.**

They didn't expect for it to happen.

They didn't expect for a woman in a formal and elegant black suit to appear in their door and asked for a woman named Pranpriya Manoban.

"It didn't matter how I got here because I only came here to tell you, Miss Pranpriya, that _Casa Manoban_ was burned down two months ago, and none of your family remembers came out alive, including your aunt, her husband, and your cousins. Without them, and as the last living descendant of the original Manoban clan, you are to inherit all the properties, savings, businesses, and every thing the Manobans' legally owned. It's all yours now."

Lalisa gripped at Chaeyoung's arms tightly, she didn't care if her hands were leaving marks down on Chaeyoung's skin, because in that moment everything was spinning and the words couldn't formed out of her mouth to speak.

**XII.**

She didn't want to accept it. She never wanted to be a part of something that she never knew all her life.

The Manabons were unknown to her, strangers that made her life a living hell and yet made all of her current problems to go away.

"I know how you're feeling, lis and whatever decision you'll make, I will always support you." Chaeyoung told her one day as they sat under the big oak tree. "I know you don't want the money but, I think it is meant for you."

"I will not touch their money, chae. I don't want to get involved with them."

Chaeyoung entwined their hands together and gave her an ecouraging smile. "But you can always use it to do good things. Like saving children from the academy."

**XIII.**

In the end, it was Chaeyoung who convinced her.

She accepted the inheritance and donated it all to charities and organizations that will help free the children at the academy.

Their home became a little bigger, just enough for hundred and fifteen children to take comfort in their Sanctuary.

Jisoo cried as they told her the news, hugging them as she repeated her words of gratitude over and over again. She told them that she will fight for the children's freedom, to restore their youth and corrupted innocence, and to help them have strong hope for a better life.

But it wasn't an easy road. There were many twists and turns before they finally reached the end. They bumped and bleed as the months passed by, but the smile and the hope at the children's eyes as they sat on a boat that was sailing away from the academy was worth everything.

In that moment, Lalisa knew that she did the right thing.

**XIV.**

Chaeyoung was always good with children. She always took good care of them, always understanding them, and always attending to their needs.

Chaeyoung was easily attached, she loved all the children as her own, that's why it was always hard for her to see them go. But Chaeyoung knew that they picked out the people who were best for each of them. They were extra meticulous in finding the right family for these children. And even when it crashed her heart everytime the little kids waved and hugged them goodbye, she knew that it was for the best.

When the hot summer days turned into the cold winter nights, Jisoo came to them and told them her plan; she wanted to adopt the child that grew fond of her.

"I just... I don't want to see her go. I want to be her family, the one who will guide her and love her no matter what."

When Jisoo hugged her _daughter_ , and when the genuine smile reached her eyes, Chaeyoung didn't doubt her love even for a bit. She knew that Jisoo finally found her peace.

That night, as Chaeyoung rested herself on top of Lalisa's chest, she wondered if her lover would find her own peace too.

**XV.**

Lalisa knew that Chaeyoung would become a great mother. There was no doubt in that.

That's why when Chaeyoung told her, "I want to raise them as our own." Lalisa didn't listen to the hesitation in her mind, instead, she replied, with a sincere smile on her lips, "okay."

**XVI.**

It was a little after spring. They were on the country side, visiting the bakery that Lalisa used to worked for before.

They were already in their early thirties then, and their children, who were both just turned nine, ran along the field of sunflowers with laughter in their lips, as she and Chaeyoung clasped their hands together as they walked.

It was a beautiful day. The sun shone brightly up in the sky as the birds chirped and the wind blew.

There was a smile on Lalisa's lips as she stared at the extensive flower field. But when her eyes fell on a familiar figure that was standing and staring at her in the far distance, Lalisa suddenly felt her heart stopped.

Across the thousand of sunflowers, there stood the woman who never left her dreams.

_Jennie._

**PART THREE**

**I.**

_Pranpriya_ didn't believe in love, didn't know it was real. She never seen it, never knew it nor felt it. She thought it was a fantasy, a fiction created by desperate minds to persuade themselves that there was still something that was worth living for in this chaotic world.

For _Pranpriya_ , love was something that she cannot give nor accept.

But love suddenly had its own ways to crept up into her, unseen, so slowly, carefully and delicately. It radiated warmth into her toes, up to her belly, heart and head until it consumed her entire being.

She discovered that love was a savior, a sanctuary, a she, and it was named Jennie.

But not everything about love was beautiful, because she also discovered that love was a risk, a deception, a thing that can make her fly and let her fall down into the ground, breaking her into pieces.

Love offered happiness, but with it, comes the pain and tears.

As the years passed, when the ghosts of her past were already turned into ashes and locked away from her mind, _Lalisa_ discovered that there was more to love than Jennie.

She discovered that love can be safe, and calm, and secure. Love broke her heart but love also healed her damaged soul. She discovered that love can be patient, and kind, and love can also be found in the soft eyes of her lover, Chaeyoung.

But what she didn't realize, that even when love broke and betrayed her, love still stayed deep within her, waiting to rise again and consume her.

Because as _Lalisa_ stared across the field, searching for a familiar feline eyes, she knew exactly right then, that love was there and it never really go away.

So she tried to ran into her, to cry, and to embrace her. But Chaeyoung suddenly whispered something into her ears that made her gaze to shift. It was only for only a beat, but when she looked back again at the far distance, Jennie was already gone.

"Are you okay?" Chaeyoung asked, touching her with gentle hands.

 _Lalisa_ nodded as she looked at her and forced out a smile, hoping that her lover won't see her breaking heart.

**II.**

It was autumn when it happened again.

Their daughters turned thirteen then, both were too old to be carried in their arms but too young to be left alone.

She remembered how the wind touched her skin, how the leaves slowly fell into the ground, how the sunset made her children's eyes glow, and how Chaeyoung almost squealed in surprised when she saw a familiar face in the crowd.

"Jisoo?"

Kim Jisoo never aged. Her face was the same as it was all those years ago. Young, beautiful, and warm. She came with her lovely daughter who gave each of them a beautiful smile and a kiss on the cheeks.

They all laughed and talked for a little while, filling up the gaps of the years that had passed. They didn't mention anything about the academy though nor about the kids that they saved, it was a topic that was close to their hearts and yet a nightmare to their minds.

"Let's have dinner. Are you free tonight?" Chaeyoung asked, just as when they were about to leave.

Jisoo had a hesitant look on her face and for a moment, Lisa thought that she would decline, but Chaeyoung was convincing and their daughters pleaded with their lovely eyes.

So with a smile that didn't quite reached her eyes, Jisoo replied, "Alright. We'll meet you tonight."

**III.**

They met that night at six, on a small restaurant near the beach while the sky turned into dark shades of blue and pink, a mixture that made up the mesmerizing colors of the setting sun.

They shared stories as the night sets and their laughter swayed well with the waves, almost a perfect night for the two families who wanted nothing but peace.

But good things always didn't last, because as Jisoo's daughter screamed in delight as she saw a familiar face on the distance, the peaceful night suddenly, almost instantly, turned into trouble.

"Aunt Jennie!"

And as if the world stopped, Lalisa felt her lungs out of air. Suddenly, a loud spluttered was heard followed by a quiet gasped that made Chaeyoung turned towards Lalisa who looked pale with her widened eyes.

"Are you alright?" Chaeyoung asked.

But Lalisa was already too far gone out of her focus to even heard her spoke.

Lalisa felt cold and warm at the same time. Her emotions mixed up inside of her, creating a chaos on her mind and drowning her with endless of thoughts that was running around her head. Her gaze locked at the woman who loved and left her. She was standing, living, and breathing. _Alive._

 _Jennie._ She didn't know if she whispered the name out loud or if it stayed stuck at her throat. But she didn't care and didn't think. Instead, she stood up so abruptly that caused for the wine on the table to spill, followed by a glass falling down on the floor with a splatter.

Everyone at the table looked at her, her daughters even gasped in worry, but Lalisa didn't realize any of that as she scrambled to her feet and rushed outside without even looking back.

She ran on the sand with her heart pounding on her chest. She didn't know where she would go, she just needed to get out, away from the pain and scars of her past.

**IV.**

It took some nights before she heard that name out loud again, before she finally found the courage to face it. She stood under the moonlight with the ocean waves meeting and drenching her two tired feet while the cold breeze of the night was embracing her skin.

She let out a shaky breath as her knees weakened that made her sat down on the white sand. Careful footsteps can be heard behind her but she didn't need to look around to know that it was Chaeyoung.

Her lover sat beside her and held her cold trembling hands. "It's her."

Lalisa closed her eyes, feeling the wind that brushed into her skin. She couldn't look at her lover's eyes. She couldn't look and see the pain that she was giving her.

She felt Chaeyoung held her hand a little tighter as if it was the only thing that could make her feel alright. And for a moment, Lalisa only focused herself on their clasped hands, feeling her lover's warm touch.

"It's her. Jennie. The one you've been dreaming of." Chaeyoung didn't even asked. She just told her. A statement. A fact. Not even giving Lalisa a chance to deny, to look for a way out.

Their hands tightened again, but this time it was Lisa who needed to strengthen the grip.

"I hear you call her name almost every night. And sometimes I would cry, thinking that I'm not enough. Sometimes I envy her, she hurt you and yet you still want her to save you."

It was a small tear at first. Alone in Lisa's cheeks. Until suddenly, there were two. Three. And then it came all together in a rush. Not slowing down as it went down from her sad eyes. And soon she was sobbing. And her gaze were blurry. And every thing was suddenly hurting as she repeated the words, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Chaeyoung held her and wrapped her in the comfort of her arms, kissing the top of her head as she told her, "I love you, please remember that."

**V.**

But Lalisa didn't need to remember, because Chaeyoung's love was always with her. Even in misery, her lover's love stood out. It was simple, real, the love that made you feel at ease and contented. It was not selfish, but it was kind, the one that anyone wanted to cherish. And to Lalisa, it didn't matter if she had a void in her heart, because Chaeyoung's love was enough.

"No."

Lalisa glance at her lover who sat beside her. "What do you mean?"

"No. You cannot hide forever." Chaeyoung stared right into her soul as her warm lips met Lalisa's knuckles. "Meet her tomorrow. She will be waiting for you."

"Chaeng-"

Chaeyoung tightly held her hand. "It's time, Lisa."

And Lalisa knew, even with doubt and fear, that her lover was right.

**VI.**

It was under the morning sky where dark meets light.

She watched as Jennie bit her pale lips with her arms hidden on the pocket of her old ragged coat. The woman in front of her was a stranger. It was not the Jennie that she knew, but it was something different. Jennie looked mature with the hollowness of her eyes, the innocence of her youth that Lalisa once loved was long gone. There was a scar on her cheek that stretched along her collar down to her chest, as if it was a reminder of her cruel past.

"You're alive." There was a relief in Lalisa's voice as she said those words, but the taste of resentment was still stuck at the end of her tongue. "For years, I've been waiting to find you, wondering if you were still alive or buried six feet under."

Jennie's eyes reminded her of their early days in the academy where everything was cold and dry and gray, and when Jennie was the most lonely child that Lisa had seen.

"I'm here now, Pranpriya. I came back for you." Jennie was trembling and her eyes were crying as she said those words out loud.

Lalisa backed away. Her lips wanted to speak out the questions that had been running on her mind for so long. _Why did you leave me Jennie? Why did you break your promise?_ But instead, the words came out harsh and unforgiving as she said, "Pranpriya doesn't exist anymore."

And then suddenly, as if her knees had given up, Jennie was on the ground, shaking and crying as she repeated the words, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Lalisa wanted to cry with her, to embrace her and protect her, to trace every scars on her skin, to kiss her tears away, never letting go. But instead, she stood still, because she wasn't weak and naive anymore, because she wasn't Pranpriya anymore. So Lalisa looked away at the horizon, ignoring the tears that left her eyes.

"You're too late." She whispered.

And Jennie cried louder.

**VII.**

Lalisa came home in Chaeyoung's arms who wrapped her in an embrace that washed all her worries away. Her lover didn't ask why her tears won't stop falling, she just held her until the sun hid under the night skies, watching as Lisa let go the pain of her past.

"Whatever your decisions are, I will always be proud of you." Chaeyoung whispered.

That night, Lalisa didn't scream the name Jennie in her dreams. Neither when the next night came nor the nights after that.

**VIII.**

As autumn ends and the cold wind brushed their skins, Lalisa's nightmares finally stopped. She stopped dreaming about the dark room, empty halls and a particular feline eyes, instead she started dreaming about a future where hope and peace came upon her.

So when the first snow fell on the ground, she gathered her lover and their children outside. She wrapped them in warmth and kissed them each with love, not knowing that from a far distance, Jennie was staring at them with tears in her eyes.

**IX.**

The flowers bloomed and the trees were green again.

Lalisa clearly remembered that morning. Their home was filled with laughter and music as she watched her daughter swayed with every beat of the song, singing their voices out loud as if they didn't have a care in the world. And it was the most amazing thing that Lisa had witnessed with her own eyes, the innocence of her children, their untainted dreams, and their hope that never died.

It was supposed to be a day to remember, until Jisoo knocked on their door carrying the news that she had decided to moved out of the country to finally start a new life, away from everything that reminded her of the past.

"There's too many memories here. My daughter can't stay and so am I. Neither is Jennie, she's coming with me." Jisoo told her when Chaeyoung leave the room. "Please see her before we leave."

"I have no reason to."

Jisoo sighed and put her hands on top of Lalisa, as if it was telling her the words that she couldn't speak. "Don't let her go."

But Lalisa already looked away. "I already did."

**X.**

It was crowded, full of people and voices of strangers as they cry and laugh and hug, a welcome and a farewell for their loved ones. It was the scene on Incheon International Airport when Lalisa arrived.

She didn't know what she was doing, she didn't plan it. Maybe it was on impulse or maybe her subconscious was the one who decided for her. But she was there, watching from a far as Jennie laughed at something that Jisoo said. She looked happy and contented as she held the hand of Jisoo's daughter while they walked.

It was a moment that Lalisa didn't want to intrude, so she pressed her car keys on her palm and with one last glance, she started to walk away.

**XI.**

Seasons change and so was the years.

Time went by so fast that Lalisa sometimes wanted the world to stop from spinning, but it kept moving forward, going on and on and on as it faded and swept the painful memories away from her.

As the years flew, and when the pain and resentment were lost in the way, Chaeyoung thought her how to let go, how to laugh and love.

Time healed her, but time also changed everything. Because one moment she was carrying her daughters in her arms, spinning them around as they created their own little world, and suddenly as if it was a blink of an eye, her daughters were both grown, beautiful, smart and were finally taking a new step in their lives as they marched down on the aisle, wearing their _Harvard regalia_ with a proud smile on their faces.

And Chaeyoung who was more kind, gentle, and exquisite, was crying beside her in awe.

"Mom, don't cry. We're still your little girls."

Lalisa laughed and hugged her little girls, kissing them on the cheeks as she tell them, "I love you. I'm proud of you."

They celebrated the occasion in Hawaii, a gift for their diligent daughters before they enter the adult life. They stayed in that paradise, relishing every moment of pure bliss.

Chaeyoung smiled like never before, her eyes glowed in happiness as they wandered around the island of her dreams.

When they sat on the sand one night, with Chaeyoung leaning her head on her shoulders and the bonfire in front of them, her lover asked, "do you regret any of it?"

Lalisa put a chase kiss on her lover's lips and smiled. "No, never."

They boarded the plane next morning carrying beautiful memories that they will forever cherish. Lalisa took a seat next to the isle, Chaeyoung sat beside the window, asleep, while their daughters were seated behind them, engulfed in their own worlds.

She closed her eyes and held Chaeyoung's arms as the plane started to fly. When she opened them again, she found herself staring at a brunette woman seating two rows in front of them. There was a sense of familiarity in the way the woman wore a dark coat and the way her wavy hair hanged loosely just above her shoulders. And when the woman suddenly stared back at her as if sensing her buried gaze, Lalisa felt her breath hitched.

She didn't know how long they stared at each other eyes, but after some time (and millions of thoughts), the woman withdrew her gaze so casually, never looking back. And Lalisa, who was still shocked, spent the entire time pretending that Jennie wasn't seated two rows away from her.

**XII.**

The letter came in on the first Monday of February. It was addressed to Chaeyoung and Lalisa Manoban.

When Chaeyoung read it, she laughed until her eyes brought out tears. "We're not even married." She put the letter back down. "I guess people just assumed... since we've been together for over twenty years."

Lalisa shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. Her lips then let out the words that had been stuck in her throat for so long. "Maybe we should do it. Get married."

There was silence, followed by a splatter, and then silence again.

It took a moment before Chaeyoung finally found her voice, and then she was already crying and laughing in Lalisa's arms. "Okay."

They spent the entire day telling their daughters about the news, planning and already arranging the flowers and dresses that they would use. They were so engaged in their own world that they even forgot to open the letter until it was already Friday.

"A wedding invitation." Chaeyoung gasped as she held the letter in her hands.

**XIII.**

It was a simple wedding on a small church with a mesmerizing view of a New Zealand mountain and a turquoise colored lake. A small number of guests gathered around on a small villa, watching and celebrating as the newly wed dance in a slow waltz.

"I didn't think you guys would made it." A familiar voice spoke behind them that made Lalisa to tighten her grip on her lover's hand.

Chaeyoung, who was always genuinely kind, turned towards the woman with a smile. "Congratulations on your daughter's wedding, Jisoo."

The mother of the bride, who looked a little older than what Lalisa remembered, returned the smiled and gave them both a hug that felt foreign on Lisa's skin. Jisoo chatted with them for a bit, telling them and catching up about the lives that they didn't know about. It felt as if they were talking to a complete stranger, with their worlds distanced by the connection that were lost along the years.

Lalisa never wanted to attend, never wanted to collide with the ones that she tried to forget. But Chaeyoung was persistent, telling her over and over how Jisoo's daughter was once close to her heart.

As the night deepened, Lalisa found herself standing alone under the moonlight, waiting for Chaeyoung who was still chatting with Jisoo inside. They made their farewell some moments ago, but her lover who was always so charming and sociable, had been caught up.

Lalisa chuckled warmly, putting her hands on the pocket of her coat as she stared at the beauty of the moon above her.

"You're leaving already?"

She froze as a familiar voice rang into her ears.

It took some seconds before she found her voice to speak, swallowing the nervousness that rose up in her throat. "We have an early morning flight."

There was silence between them for a moment. And Lalisa reminded herself that they weren't the same person years ago. Jennie wasn't the same woman who cried helplessly for forgiveness, and she wasn't the same Lalisa with a heart as hard as stone.

"I heard you got engaged. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Lalisa slowly looked at Jennie who was already staring at her with soft eyes. The scar on her cheeks were still visible, but faded along the years as if it was only there to be a reminder of the past that they couldn't escape.

As the light of the moon reflected in their eyes, it evoked memories of their nights in the academy where they spent wrapped in the sanctuary of each other's arms. It seemed like a ages ago, and maybe it was. Those days remained in the past, but no matter where they go or who they're with, their nightmares and scars were always the same, bound together for a lifetime and beyond.

Jennie stared back at her with eyes full of stories and words to tell, and maybe someday, when Lalisa's heart is finally at ease and when her mind is ready, maybe she could listen to them.

"Lis, let's go?" Chaeyoung suddenly walked out and reached for her hand, unconsciously claiming what belonged to hers.

They bid Jennie goodbye, leaving a lot of things unsaid, but with one look and an unexpected smile from Lalisa, Jennie knew that somehow, she was forgiven.

As they walked away from the first woman who taught her love, Lalisa wondered if she would ever see her again.

**XIV.**

A strange thing happened that summer night; Chaeyoung was too deep in slumber to hear her granddaughter cry.

It was Lalisa who got up, carrying the eight months old in her arms, swaying around in a gentle motion as she shushed her with a soft lullaby, a movement that she adapted perfectly after Chaeyoung had taught her countless of times.

She went back to bed after a while, their granddaughter already fast asleep in the comfort of her crib. With eyes half closed, Lalisa wrapped her arms around her wife who was still asleep, making a note in her head that when she wakes up the next morning, she would tell her wife about how their granddaughter finally slept so peacefully in her arms.

A proud smile formed in her lips as she kissed Chaeyoung goodnight before closing her eyes.

When the next morning came, Lalisa woke up, but Chaeyoung never did.

**XV.**

Chaeyoung lived for fifty-three years before the heaven decided to take their angel back again.

Lalisa cried endlessly. Day and night. Every minute and with every beat of her grieving heart. Her daughters were there to held her hands as they shared stories of all the good things that Chaeyoung did. A lot came, faces with the names that were blurred in Lalisa's mind, telling her how sorry they were, how sad they were.

The world without Chaeyoung was suddenly back in black and white. And every where she looked, it was all gray, just like her heart.

**XVI.**

Lalisa wasn't fond of flowers, she used to hate it, but a garden of roses bloomed in her yard as if it was an Eden built in memory of her beloved wife.

A gentle smile spread on Lalisa's lips as she watched her granddaughter, who was more beautiful than flowers, ran with her chubby little feet while her tiny little hands held a newly blossomed rose. 

"Is this for me, little Rosie?" She asked, and little Rosie nodded with a toothy smile that brought warmth into her heart.

Maybe it was because she was loved, or maybe because her daughters never left her side, but as the flowers bloomed and the seasons changed, her heart continued to heal. She didn't forget though, because after every dusk, she would still cry, whispering I love you in the darkness of the night.

**XVII.**

It took a while longer and it wasn't the same as before, but eventually, the world started to retrieve its colors once again.

**XVIII.**

At first, it started innocent. A routine, maybe. 

Jennie was the one who called first with her voice so low that she merely pronounced the word _hello_ before she hanged up, leaving a stunned and confused Lalisa on the other line.

The next night was almost the same but Jennie managed to let out two words before she hanged up.

_Hello, Lalisa._

On the third night, Jennie didn't even managed to speak. Instead, she hanged up right after Lalisa spoke on the other line.

_Jennie?_

It took them a week before they finally said hello to each other. 

It took seventeen days before they could even talk about the weather.

It was uneasy, awkward, and strange. But even though it was all of those things, it still became their routine--their own routine.

Every night, the phone would ring and Lalisa, who claimed for it to be quite aggravating, would still be waiting on the other line, greeting Jennie with a nonchalant hello that would eventually lead to a conversation that only ends when they fell into a slumber.

They talked about the things that were left unsaid, about the way the world unfolded in front of them. Lalisa often found herself talking about little Rosie whom Jennie never met but already adored. Sometimes, she would talk about Chaeyoung, crying at how much she missed her wife, and Jennie would listen like the good friend she was.

They spoke, and talked, and laughed, and cried until their voices became familiar with each other again.

Although it took six hundred and fifty one days before Jennie finally had the courage to tell her, "I'll come over. Wait for me."

**XIX.**

She carried a single sunflower on her hand as she stood on the arrival gate of Incheon International Airport, waiting for feline eyes to stared back at her.

But it was already midnight, and her sunflower became stale.

And Jennie, once again, never came.

**XX.**

It took three days of darkness before her phone rang again. She didn't want to answer it at first, never wanted to hear a voice that always broke her heart.

But it kept ringing, going on and on and on until it was all too much to bear.

So she picked up the phone one night and let out a voice that was so harsh it felt like an explosion of all her frustration, anger, and desperation. She expected for the woman on the other line to level with her outburst, but instead, it was quiet. Followed by a sound of someone's breathing. Then there was a suppressed sob.

And suddenly, the voice on the other line cried, wailed, as she tried to make out the words, _You need to come here._

The next morning, Lalisa found herself on a flight to New Zealand.

**XXI.**

Jisoo said it was an accident.

Jennie never meant to break her promise, she wanted to board the plane to see Lalisa who was nine thousand seven hundred kilometres away from her. But a driver lose control when Jennie was crossing the street to call for a taxi, and instead of arriving at the land of the morning calm, Jennie arrived on a hospital, stuck on a bed, unconscious with a broken leg and ribs.

It wasn't critical though, but in every second that Jennie failed to open her eyes, Lalisa was consumed with great fear-- a fear of losing someone that meant so deeply to her, just like when she lose Chaeyoung.

So she held Jennie's hand, too afraid to let go, thinking that it might slip away in a blink of an eye.

"Are you sure, Lisa?" Jisoo stood on the doorway, ready to leave.

"Yes, I'll be okay."

"Alright, call me if you need everything."

That night and the nights after that, Lalisa stayed and never went away.

**XXII.**

Jennie breathed out the name _Pranpriya_ before her eyes could even see the world again. But when she opened them, finally meeting a doe-eyed woman who was smiling down at her with tears in her eyes, Jennie whispered, barely audible with her croaked voice, "Lalisa."

And when Lalisa kissed the top of her head, repeating the words _you're safe, you're safe,_ it suddenly didn't matter that Jennie never arrived, because in the end, it was Lalisa who came for her.

**XXIII.**

Her hair was starting to become gray when Jennie finally told her. They were sitting on the yard, surrounded by roses that climbed onto the trellis, creating an exquisite scenery that Lalisa loved and adored.

She watched as the sun kissed Jennie, making the scar on her cheek to be more visible in the light of the day. Lalisa never asked about it, about the story behind it, and about the secrets it would unveil. Instead, she only traced it with her gentle hands, hoping to ease the pain that came along with it.

"It was a pole, I think. The thing that left a scar on my face and chest." Jennie said, her voice deep and serious as she looked at the far distance. "I can't really remember clearly cause there were a lot of smoke. I only recall the pain and the blood that dripped on my clothes. And then I got out, barely alive as I watched everything burn. Their screams still rang in my ears when I close my eyes, but even if I could go back in time, I still wouldn't save them."

Lalisa felt her hands cold. "Jennie, what are you saying?"

"What I meant is," Jennie turned and stared at her. "I was the lone survivor when Casa Manoban burned down."

A tear escaped Lalisa's eyes. "That's not possible..."

"My mother didn't arrive to save me _that_ day, Lalisa. She came to disown me."

Lalisa listened as the secrets of the past unfolded in front of her eyes.

"Mother paid the academy to free me, to go out in the world, alone, without a home."

"I don't understand... We promised to escape together. Why didn't you?"

"Because the academy knew our plan all along."

Lalisa learned about how Jennie bailed her out to freedom, releasing her from the evilness of the academy using the money that wasn't really meant for her liberty. She learned how Jennie chose her, gave her a chance to live, to start a new life, sacrificing Jennie's own independence just to save her. She learned about how Jennie made a deal and told them, _I'll stay but Pranpriya will go,_ and how the teachers never complained, because unlike Pranpriya, to them, Jennie was still worth of something.

"The investors started to come, and one morning, they told me I was chosen. I was excited, thinking that whoever resided above heard my prayers and that I would finally see you. But instead, I met a Manoban that wasn't you. Your aunt was a bitter woman and your uncle was a monster. Every night, when he was above me, I wanted him gone. I didn't start the fire, but I didn't die it down either, I let it spread and watched as it ate them whole while they slept. I didn't know what to do after that, it was my first time to taste freedom, and that's when Jisoo saved me. She told me about your Sanctuary, about how you saved the children in the academy, and I remember being so proud of you. I rushed to see you, but that's when I saw you with your own little family, you looked so happy and contented, and I realized, I was too late."

Tears were streaming down Lalisa's eyes as she leaned forward, tracing the scar on Jennie's cheek. She then whispered, "No one will hurt you now." and held Jennie's hand, staring right into her eyes, repeating the words that Jennie vowed when they were young. "I promise to keep you safe."

And Lalisa sealed her promise with a kiss.

**XXIV.**

The sun shone brightly into the sky, the wind became warm, the rain starts to pour, the leaves starts growing, and eventually it falls.

It didn't matter if it took them a lifetime before they figure it out, because as Jennie stared at her with loving eyes, Lalisa knew that she finally found the peace that she had been looking for. 

After all these years.

_**FIN.** _

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a long chapter story but I realized that it would probably take me 50 chapters to reach the conclusion so I've decided to cut it into three parts instead.
> 
> I hope you like it.


End file.
